The Dream?

I find myself walking down a wide sidewalk, I am watching my step as a summer rain has just ended and the sandstone under my feet has a tendency to be slippery. I do not know how I know this, I have never been here, yet walked this way a thousand times.

     I am in a time I have only read in books. I know I am close to town as the houses that are bordering the street sit like statues welcoming you into the heart of the village. In this time, the houses close to town show importance, with carefully cultivated gardens that mirror the greatness of what must lie within.

    I take a deep breath drinking in the roses that surely must be the trophies of this time and place. The rain now passed has left the air clean and the sun that now shown created sparkles like fairies in the raindrops that remained. I smile because I am almost home.

    As I turn the corner I see my destination, a great white Victorian that only hints of its' grandness through the massive old oaks and dogwoods, the front gardens are lined with newly trimmed hedges, a trellis bursting with blooming roses serves as its gate to the front door.

    This is home, and as if to confirm it, a rainbow appears in the distance perfectly framing the grand structure. I see smiling faces greeting me on the front porch.

  Now I can see myself walking through the trellis to my loved ones beyond, but I am no longer a part of that person. I am in bed, dreaming. I cannot hear the words, or even find out who the people are.

   In a week, or a month, or even a year from now I will walk down that street again, just as I have a thousand times. I will never know where this place is, who I was. I just know this is more than a dream, and someday I might walk through that trellis gate and I will understand.

How Strong is your hate?

     Do you twitter?

   I have recently seen a escalation bullying, hatred, and voyeurism of those that enjoy watching both. Most people don't have time for the kind of hate I have seen lately, and even less of us who take time for the full time job of being a bully. It really doesn't take much to find such sport on twitter, and once you find it, it's nearly impossible to get away from.
   Yes I found it, and yes it is hard to get away from. Even harder when people you have twittered with for a very long time get sucked so far down into either of the two I have mentioned, or a strong passion for politics that it consumes them. The fun, the wit, and the friendly banter slowly dissipates as your conversation deepens, and soon they are digress back to the negative, or pull you into conversation you had not anticipated.
    I don't know what it would do to most, but for me it's draining. By the time you log off you have a dark cloud over you that is hard to shake. I have tried very hard for a balance in my life to keep my outlook positive. Yes I take time to watch the news, and even get angry at many things going on. My view on politics is not shakeable, I like to think of myself as universal and independent in all things. Where I may debate you in person, it's nearly impossible to do this in an adult manner on twitter. Why is that? It's an easy answer.
     Many hide behind screen names where what they say can not truly come back to bite them in the ass. In real life they might very well have a keen intellect, with gracious manner, on line they are rude, belligerent and hateful. They do not want a conversation or a debate, they want to be right.

    “Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners”
     ~Laurence Sterne~

  A wonderful quote but alas, the Internet has killed both our morals and our manners. People behind screen names have no need to respect you, or your views, they are not held accountable for the lack of either.

     I myself rarely express my political views on twitter because they are mine, and I see no reason to put them out there to be bullied over.  In real life I am very active in local politics and very outspoken about national and world events. I see no reason to turn a polite conversation into a gutter fight with those I can not see, and will never know. Find the right (or should I say wrong) "person" on twitter and you can find yourself a target of excessive bullying.

    Some use their hate for trolling. That is finding someone to fight with, bully, and degrade. Sometimes it leads to much more serious actions that can find a person in federal prison.  My advice is to not engage these people ignore at all costs. If you feel you have to respond... I find Thumper said it best "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all".

     Yes there are thousands of such people on twitter, and all of them will drag you down. I do not understand anyone so consumed with such negativity that they carry on all day and all night. If they really wanted to change the world you wouldn't find them on twitter all the day round. All they really want to do is shove their views down the throats of the unwilling.

    I have found myself in territory I am not comfortable with, with people who used to make me comfortable. I am saddened the fun has gone out of conversation and friendship. Where as I respect their views, I am not one that can run a verbal marathon in agreement or the polar. Sometimes you just need to turn off the damn twitter and get on with life. If you get caught up in any of this, remember where your log off button is.

What you need to ask yourself is....How strong is your hate?








   

Retreat of a Broken Heart

I thought I saw your heart, but now it's gone

I believed I felt your soul but it's withdrawn

I very nearly loved you, for all you almost shared

but that was yesterday when I imagined that you cared

You have wandered for your love of the chase

I won't be less than me, I will not join the race

Your heart is nothing but ego, that I will not feed

Your soul did not trust mine, my love you did not need

Now I must return to the place where love abounds

The ravens have my heart, in the hills their songs resounds

I will walk into the shadows of the soul of this place

Follow if you will and fall into my embrace

Should you walk away, you can not turn around

For once I am lost I can't ever be found

I am a fool no longer for limericks and gentle words

I will disappear and gather with the birds

Why I Don't Do Romance

    My parents taught me to read at a very young age. My mother encouraged the classics, and the best sellers, my father was big on Sci-Fi and old westerns, but both adored reference books. The very first thing my father did when we moved into our old farmhouse was build a library. My mother who had worked at her college library put it in its proper order.

     I didn't even know there was such a thing as 'romance novels' until I hit middle school. In our library, the closest thing you would find to a romance novel was Forever Amber, by Kathleen Winsor, that I avoided until my sister made me a bet.

     Everyone knew I could read a novel in a day, larger ones maybe 24 hours given the time. She baited me by betting that if we started the book at the same time, she would finish it first. Well I took her up on that bet, and finished in record time. I called her and told her, and she laughed, "I didn't read it, I just wanted to make you read it." She then asked me how I liked it. I told her I didn't and when I got to the end, I threw that damn book.

     No offense to romance writers, the book was well written and the character of Amber was feisty and strong willed, but she put all her energy into the wrong things--in my opinion. Spending her whole life chasing after one man makes a good story but a wasted life. Why I threw the book was because of the ending, might, as well as ended with "Tomorrow is another day.”

     Back in the day, I had my crushes on the handsome boys, all the parts in the right place and perfectly shaped and popular. Just like the book, they were easy to catch initially, but hardly worth the effort.

     Now if a girl wants to chase a body instead of a soul that is up to them, but that is not my thing and wished the girls of today would think of the big picture instead of fleetingly having an ornament that doesn't think past the end of the week.

    I like a book with  love interest, but I don't want the whole book about chasing him down, losing him then ending up in the bedroom, knowing everything play by play, and calling it love. Love is a mystery. We can't nail down exactly why we fall in love but rarely is it instantaneously, not the real stuff trust me. There is a passage in Jane Eyre that says it all for me.

  “Do you think I am an automaton? — a machine without feelings? and can bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips, and my drop of living water dashed from my cup? Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! — I have as much soul as you — and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh: it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God's feet, equal — as we are!”   

      Charlotte Brontë. was talking souls and minds, not physical love that today seems to be more interesting to many people.

  Now I know some will read this and say "whatever bitch' and I'm fine with that. I might even bet I am in the minority on this subject. I have always found a person's mind much more interesting than an entertaining body I can't help that. I'm also one that will look at beefcake for what it is, eye candy nothing more. I do love the eye candy, I'm not that weird. And if you can find eye candy with a brain, a deep soul and sensitivity I say go for it. (Or whatever floats your boat, those are my weaknesses) Hell I even write about hot commodities such as these. The dream of a perfect looking guy with the whole package, that is why we call it fiction. In truth, one person's perfection is another person’s flawed character.

    I know many people who love their romance novels, and they don't get me, hung up on Jane Austen, the Brontë. sisters and horror stories. I like my flawed characters just trying to figure out what love really is.

   P.S.

       Or in the case of reading Stephen King, the characters love interest dies a horrible death.

    P.S.S. Just an opinion of my rambling mind

    

Brought up Brave

When I was a little girl, my father started teaching me the facts of life....

         The only person you can depend on is yourself

          Find a man that will admire your independence instead of trying to take it from you

          Never come home and say you lost a fight

          Never give less than 110%

          And never let them see you sweat

          Never settle

     I was taught how to defend myself at such a young age I can remember when he started teaching me. My father was a military man, retired a Sargent. He was also a boxer while he served our country. He taught me how not to punch like a girl, and where to hit to inflict the most injury or worse. I was a tiny little thing, and all he wanted from his princess was for her to be able to take care of herself.

     By the time I was the age I was permitted to date, no one had the guts to ask me out on a date. My father was famous for watching over me, and for looking mean as hell. I actually had to go out of town to find someone who didn't know my father to have a date, but by then the die had been cast...I was my father’s daughter.

     I had no idea how intimidating I was, being only 5'2" and skinny. Honest to a fault, independent, and took very little crap. I was used to conversation that you could not find with your average teen boy, they could not compare. Either they didn't make the cut, or they ran so fast all I saw was there tread marks. The truth was I just didn't care. If they didn't have the nuts to stick around who wanted them to?

     Let's face it, who could ever be as grand as my father? He showed time and again he had no problem fighting for what was right, no matter the cost. It was clear to anyone that knew him he didn't fear anything, not even death. He worked for the government, and was the union president for years. He was looked up to, leaned on, and respected. He was self-educated for the most part, and what he didn't know he would research it and learn it. He had compassion, and would give you everything he had if he could. He went out of his way to be a gentleman, and show his little Warrior Princess what a gentleman was. He in my eyes was a mortal God.

    He had told me not to depend on anyone, but he failed to see how much I depended on him. After he passed away, I looked for him in the eyes of everyone I met. Some came close but always fell short. He also told me not to settle, but as he had set the bar, so high there had to be a compromise. I looked for him for years and had no luck. Until one day, I looked in the mirror, and there he was. Yes Dad you got your wish, I depend on no one but myself

New Years Eve Dreams or Nightmares?

    New Years Eve the night where the whole world breaks out in celebration, and those that are alone feel it most. Much like being the few that have no dates for prom or homecoming, there is a sigma that if you are alone you are an outsider, and those that are not alone feel they have to do something, even if they don't want to.
     I am one of the lucky ones that have many invitations, and either has to choose one, or go to all not to hurt any one's feelings. Yes it's a time when friends get together and ring in the New Year. It's also a time for people to act a fool and partake in too much of the holidays spirits. By the end of the night rarely is it an epic evening.
   I have seen everything go wonderfully until after the clock strikes midnight. That is when the asshole comes out in at least a few. For me it's a crap shoot on the road to either be pulled over, or get hit by one of those assholes. So as the clock strikes the big twelve I say my good-byes, give out my yearly hugs and kisses and run for the door.
    The only wonderful New Years I remember was in the days of new love. When the New Year is rung in you get your first meaningful kiss. I remember those days fondly, and the many loves when you are young and every year is a new possibility, and understand those alone on this night. My heart goes out to them, but for me waking up the next day alive and not licking my wounds from a hang over is a successful night.
     Just remember every day is a new day full of possibilities, and true love can be around any corner.  Use this night to dream of the perfect relationship, and strive to have that, and not a fly by night evening that usually ends up in a nightmare. Somewhere out there someone else is alone dreaming of you.

Always treat the one you love with the utmost respect

     When one of my son's was just the tender age of twelve he had the misfortune to think he was in love. The girl, a game player and a simple minded creature, liked to play games with him. She would call out of the blue, telling him all the boys who had an interest in her, and how she should not be "tied down" to one boy. (Twelve, rolls eyes) These calls really hurt my son terribly, and it angered me because I thought I had given my son's the tools to avoid such silliness.
    After one of these calls I sat down with my son and explained the rules of "the game" this girl was playing. Her power was that he cared enough to think her words were true. He could have that power, and take away what ever hold she had on him if he answered correctly the next time she played this game.
     It wasn't but that very afternoon she called again with her hurtful words, and her girlfriends gathered around to listen to my son's anguish. My son followed my instructions to a "T". She said it was time she moved on as so many boys wanted to be with her. My son answered, you are right and I have girls waiting, I think we should break up right now, and he hung up.
    As some of you have guessed my phone blew up with her begging him not to break up with her, and lots of tears. Ahh, but as I predicted once he understood her game, she lost her charm. The spell was broken, and the power was now all in my son's hands, just as it should be. When you love someone you give them the utmost respect. Respect yourself, love yourself, and true love will find you.